Mmm-MMM! That is one tasty muffin!

These muffins got their profane name after I described the muffins I was about to make as being "all fuckin' full of grains and fruit and yogurt and shit." (Note: Reading this sentence off the page makes these muffins sound more disturbing than they are.)

These are selections from an actual IM conversation with my boyfriend after he tried the muffins in question:

"Are these just whole-ass blueberries up in these motherfuckers?"

SHIT YES, MOTHERFUCKER!

"Holy fuck! Moist. Squishy. Blueberry-y. But with a hint of millet crunch. Pretty goddamned fantastic muffin."

I think the millet really helps to keep it not become over-moist and provides necessary texture. And fucking blueberries rock. And there's flax seed pureed into there too, so there's all that healthy Omega-3 shit inside!

"OH MY FUCK! So healthy!"

So now without further ado...


Healthy Motherfucking Muffins

[photo to come]

Ingredients:
1 3/4 cups whole wheat flour
1/2 cup quinoa flakes
1/4 cup millet
1/2 cup raw sugar
3/4 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
zest of 1 lemon
1 apple, cored and roughly chopped
1/4 cup flax seeds1 teaspoon vanilla extract
3/4 cups 2% Greek yogurt
1 cup blueberries, fresh
sliced almonds for topping, optional

Directions:

Preheat the oven to 400°F. Lightly grease the cups of a standard muffin pan; or line with paper baking cups, and grease the paper cups.

Mix together flour, quinoa flakes, millet, sugar, salt, baking powder, baking soda, and lemon zest.

Place apple and flax seeds in a blender with 3/4 cup water, and blend until smooth. Add in the yogurt and vanilla, and pulse blender until mixed.

Pour the blender contents into the dry ingredients, stirring just to combine. Fold in blueberries.

Spoon the batter into the prepared muffin cups, filling them nearly full. A slightly heaped muffin scoop of batter is the right amount. Sprinkle the tops of the muffins with almonds, if desired.

Bake the muffins for 25 minutes minutes, until a toothpick inserted into the middle of one of the center muffins comes out clean.

Remove the muffins from the oven, and after 5 minutes (or when they're cool enough to handle) transfer them to a rack to cool. Serve warm, or at room temperature.

Yield: 12 muffins.