Monday, March 28, 2011

How I Failed a Resolution Before the Year Even Started

So at the beginning of the year, in my resolution lineup, I listed this:

Leave myself more free time than last year. I do NOT need to do 2 or more shows at a time, especially when they're not paying me.

Lo and behold, even as I had written that, I was already committed to doing 2 shows. (One which DID pay me!) And I had yet to realize that the week in which I was to be running one of the shows -- daytime performances for school groups -- flowed straight into the weekend in which my other production was going to make up a couple lost performances and do 5 shows instead of 3. Which meant that I was going to be doing 13 shows in 10 days, on top of my 40+ hour a week job.

It was at that point I knew I had to slow the hell down.

But right at the end of all that, I was faced with a possible role in a friend's production (my heart wasn't all in it + small part + unpaid), the chance to take part in a remount of a show I performed in the world premiere of last year for this year's Hollywood Fringe festival (still no pay), and another show (PAID!) for which the AD had personally requested that I come read for after seeing my in the school-group show. All of these would have conflicted with each other in one way or another. I was losing my mind trying to figure out what would be the smart course of action in which I did not anger/hurt friends of mine but did not also screw myself over.

Luckily, it all turned out fine. And now I have free time for a while.

But at the same time, I must look at all of this and say


did I put myself through all that? Is it really worth it?

But then I went to see a few shows put on by various friends of mine this weekend. And after seeing some performances that lacked and yet others that knocked the wind out of me with their power... I remembered,

"Oh yeah. I love this."

So the next time I ask myself WHY I put myself through the stress, sleep-deprivation, worry, rejection, mental anguish, judgement, etc. of doing live theatre, I can just remind myself

that it's because I freaking LOVE it.

No comments: